Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Working-Class Hands of the LORD God

He's got the whole world in His hands

In several ways, modern man seems to have overlooked, or perhaps forgotten, many obvious, yet vitally important parts of the Bible. This is most especially the case when it comes to the very first one or two pages. Indeed, one of the strangest aspects to the beginning of the Book of Genesis is how the author Moses immediately introduces an omnipotent entity called God, Elohim in Hebrew, who quickly goes to work creating the Heavens and the Earth and all the living plants and animals in around seven days by using His mere words alone, but then changes the subject entirely in the very next chapter and suddenly introduces a completely different entity known as the LORD God, or Adonai in Hebrew.

As the Bible states, this particular Divine Being seems to find Himself in the dark void that had existed before Creation and notices that the water is rising up from the depths of the Abyss, perhaps threateningly. Then, like a creative child who desires to impress His even more creative Father, the LORD God makes His own version of a man from the pre-existing clay, dirt, and water, by using His own hands, similar to what a working-class craftsman would do, and endows the little creature with an immortal soul, calling him Adam. He carefully places His new creation in a garden on Earth, called Eden, which He has carefully cultivated and organized, once again just like a working-class male quietly working in His own tiny back-yard who gets His hands dirty for a living, rather than some uppity, elitist sorcerer who can create with His mere words alone.

Reading Scriptures closely enough, one notices that, except for the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the other plants and trees in the 'Garden' are not really His personal creation. Obviously, the LORD God (Adonai) must have taken them from the surrounding wilderness that God had already created out of nothing using only the power of His words. Later, like a talented sculptor, the LORD God once again uses His hands to create different animals from the already existing water, dirt and clay and then has the man Adam personally name these new creations separately, like an expert Zoology professor teaching His young graduate student how to designate and classify new species.

Unlike God who, in the beginning, created life from just words and without any 'profane' use of the hands, the LORD God apparently uses His hands quite often and with skilled craftsmanship. Also, like a professional surgeon and match-maker, the LORD (Adonai) goes on to carefully remove a rib bone from Adam, stitches up the wound, and then creates a female companion for him named Eve. Put bluntly, the LORD God may not be an omnipotent Creator like God who needs only seven days to finish anything and everything, but He is obviously very skilled at using His Hands in a variety of ways.

When I’m out walking, I strut my stuff yeah I’m so strung out. I’m high
as a kite I just might stop to check you out. Let me go on like I
blister in
the sun. Let me go on Big Hands I know you’re the one.

- Blister in the Sun, by the Violent Femmes

Throughout the centuries, some Biblical scholars, starting with the Gnostics, the Manicheans, and other protesting dissenters, have come to some very strange, perhaps even deceitful, conclusions about God, who created everything using only His voice, and about the LORD God, who sculpted and formed the first man and woman, tended their beloved 'Garden', and performed medical surgery using His own two hands to perform these tasks. Because of these innate differences, some have apparently decided that the LORD God (Adonai), the 'Jewish' God, must be an insane impostor god, a Devil, who is keeping us from discovering the higher, one, true God that created all life through His words in just six days. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Indeed, the LORD God’s talented use of His hands is similar to the way mankind differs from any of the other animals. Put specifically, and scientifically speaking, it is mankind (Homo Sapiens) alone that has learned to use his or her hands to manipulate objects with ever increasing precision in order to create various types of useful, material inventions. Reading Genesis carefully enough, the LORD God’s original hand-made designs of man, woman, and all the animals, which have truly become a part of God's seven day creation, clearly indicate He has been a master-craftsman from the very beginning of creation. Likewise, and ever since Adam and Eve, mankind has been kept busy as His various apprentices and assistant journeymen along the way.

As it clearly states in Genesis, God, called El or Elohim in Hebrew, does indeed create man in His own image, but does not even bother to give any of them names or help them to survive the wild and feed themselves. In stark contrast, the LORD God, known simply as Adonai, creates only one man with His own two hands, calls him Adam, and endows him with an immortal soul (a ghost) that survives biological death, taking care to give him healthy food and produce from the Garden so that he never goes hungry. Then, like a good, loving father, the LORD even becomes worried that His single male creation might be lonely and need a suitable partner, almost as if the LORD God Himself had also known personally what it was like to day-dream and long for some Divine female companionship and heterosexual love.

As most readers of the Bible already know, the LORD God also specifically instructs Adam and Eve not to eat from the two special trees in the middle of His garden called Eden. He gives them no other commandment at all. Tragically, the wise and evil serpent almost immediately seduces them both into disobedience and wicked behavior, causing the LORD to become curious and then enraged, much like a cautious master-craftsman who suddenly finds that His apprentice, along with his new girl, has just managed to ruin and destroy everything by disobeying the only commandment that the LORD God had given him.

Using the fossil records left from past ages as indications, scientists now assume that huge reptiles called dinosaurs were the first life-forms before any mammals, including man, came into existence. Keep in mind that serpents are also reptiles which are directly related to the dinosaurs. Now in terms of scientific speculation, there seems to be a distinct possibility that some highly-advanced reptile humanoids from the distant past may have managed to develop dinosaurs on earth, but eventually proved completely incapable of ever making them intelligent and self-aware, even though they had hundreds of millions of years to do so. In distinct contrast, the LORD God made man evolve quite rapidly in less than a few million. The Jewish Babylonian Talmud states the following:

The higher the position the greater is the fall, and this applies to the
who, not only was the chief of all animals, but walked upright
like man, and
when it fell it sank into the reptile world.

- Genesis Rabba 19

In contrast, the LORD God’s hand-crafted, warm-blooded, mammalian creation known as mankind eventually succeeded in prospering and advancing very fast, as history has indeed shown, just as the cold-blooded, and clearly evil, serpent’s feeble attempts at evolution, which only created extremely stupid dinosaurs, failed miserably.

Ten Commandments

In truth, man’s slow, but steady progress out of the Neanderthal caves of yesteryear is mainly due to the LORD God’s continued love and attention for His creation. Basically, the God (El) who creates biological life by words alone still tends to remain the unknowable, even the unthinkable, while the highly-skilled craftsman known as the LORD God (Adonai), who creates immortal souls (ghosts) with His own two hands, has probably been the true source of our intellectual and societal advancement for thousands of years. Obviously, the LORD God of the Holy Bible is a male immortal with hands and feet just like mankind and may have even been married to a female goddess sometime before, but is now alone and extremely preoccupied with caring for all the men and women of planet Earth. Indeed, it is the LORD God (Adonai), the Father of man, the God of nature, who is endowed with a distinct, individual personality as seen and realized throughout the entire Holy Bible. It is Him alone, and not the wicked, cunning serpent and father of the failed dinosaurs, who has been the hidden intelligence guiding Jews, Christians, and Muslims towards a glorious and beautiful future that still lies ahead.

A Special-Effects Photo depicting God's Hands

May the LORD God bless you in the name of St. Judas Maccabaeus.


  1. uhh guys, those cloud hands are not what you think they are



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